obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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