Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
