just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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