my vag is so smooth its legendary
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
