when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
