Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
