i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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