your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
