recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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