Your tits are I can't wait for
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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