i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
