You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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