I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
