Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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