She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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