Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
