I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
