Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was born a porn star she said
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
