Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love having hate sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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