why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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