Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
