i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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