i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I need a burrito and a hug.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
