I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
