I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
