im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
