I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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