She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
