I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
