I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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