TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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