Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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