just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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