i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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