I wish I could teleport
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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