Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
