Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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