Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
