I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
