I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
