Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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