Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
