How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
