youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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