All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
