How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
