Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
