Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
