Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
