is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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