There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
