I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
