you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize