Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He felt like a one man threesome
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
