she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
