Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
