I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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