I have demons in me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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