Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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