i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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