Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
