I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my shit smells like andre
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
