I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
