hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
