She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
