Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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