Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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