So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
