she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude. I can hear the air.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
