And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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