My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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