Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
