I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
